Stop Starting Over

It’s late Monday night and I’m taking a shower before getting into bed. I woke up at 6:20am, went to work, worked until 5:30pm, drove 40 minutes, gave 4 pitching lessons, drove back home 40 minutes, scarfed down some dinner my roommate made, and now here I am in the shower and ready to crash before another long day tomorrow.

“Crap. I didn’t read my Bible today. I had been on such a good streak. Well, I guess I’ll just have to start over again tomorrow and double up on my reading.”

Honestly I’m tired of starting over.

I’m tired of viewing my relationship with God as a checklist. Only feeling I was growing closer to Him if I did all the things I was “supposed” to do in a day.

Prayed? Check.

Read my Bible? Check.

Listened to Christian music in the car? Check.

I’ve always rejected the idea of a works-based gospel. However here I am, trying to impress God by how many days in a row I can read my Bible. But I fail – every single time. I try to “start over again” tomorrow thinking somehow then I will be better.

To me, the problem here is not in the thinking I am a failure – because I am. Big time. In fact, admitting that I failed today in my time management brings even more glory to God. Because in my failure, He extends His grace to me and I don’t HAVE to start over again tomorrow.

Yesterday we had a sermon on one of the most well known Psalms – Psalm 23. Truth be told, my eyes sort of started to glaze over the moment he said “turn with me to Psalm 23” like ok way to be original dude.

I started to tune back in though when he started talking about sheep. They are for real dumb! They can’t find food for themselves, have no sense of direction, can’t defend themselves – they are nothing without their shepherd to guide them and basically help them live.

The Lord is my shepherd: I shall not want.

Pslam 23:1

 

Isn’t that such a beautiful picture? The Lord is MY shepherd – which makes me a dumb sheep. I can’t fend for myself, have no direction for my future, and I let Him down all the time. But it is not the job of the sheep to find their own way.

My only job is to stay close the the Shepherd and benefit from what he has for me.

Thank GOD amirite?

So I’m done making checklists. I’m done trying to count how many days in a row I can read my Bible. Because the truth is, no matter how much we try to impress God and get into His good graces, we will always fail. But thankfully for us, that isn’t our job. We just need to stay close to the Savior and let Him find our way.

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